Illusions of Expectations

By Marcy Robertson, owner of the Creative Living Center

How often have you sensed that your expectations were out of alignment with what was happening?  For me it happens all too often.  Too many “perfect pictures” I’ve been told by a friend.  “What’s a perfect picture?” I asked.  “Imagine a wall made up of pictures, images you have created of how you should be, others should be, how the world should be.  You live within the boundaries of these pictures and they define your world.  Problem is, the perfect pictures limit your experience of life, and you therefore cut yourself off from having all of what life has to offer.”    “But who doesn’t have them?!” I insisted.  “No-one that I know” was the reply. 

I think all my life I have been somewhat of a perfectionist, painting so many perfect pictures as blades of grass on the earth.  I walk the earth, living on my perfect pictures, while the uncontainable is-ness of life grows like a noxious weed around my canvass.  I think someone ought to do it this way, or they should have handled it that way, and clearly this is the better way, ad infinitum.  So many imperfections, so little time! 

One way I found out how many perfect pictures I had was I had to be honest with myself about how unhappy I was, with my job, my family, my friends, my social life, or my lack of social life or romance.  I have noticed that many people are simply not aware of how unhappy they are, or are unwilling to admit it. I was surprised to discover I was not as truly happy as I thought I was.  Another way to see how perfect pictures may control your life is to make a point to notice how often you complain about something or someone.  I had to face the hard truth that I was a complainer – not something I think of myself as being.

Some people simply like to cast off situations and people whom they judge as imperfect.  They simply brush off the opportunity they present, whatever that opportunity may be.  They chose instead to live behind the confines of their wall of perfect pictures rather than risk to explore what may be beyond them. 

Of course some people, do the opposite, take on the responsibility to be the one to set things right – fix them.  They feel it is their duty to point out what is wrong, to make things right, to show a better way…Their Way!  

For myself, the struggle to set things right has been a habit from an early age, and projects were not just limited to people and things outside myself. Being good enough, smart enough, attractive enough or spiritual enough seems like something I should have grown out of in my adolescent years.  The honest truth is these voices still hold season tickets to the inner theater of my mind.  Though they have lost privileged seats, I can still hear them whispering in the back rows on occasion.  Catching myself being happy and content, or simply accepting what is, is a practice I have made a point of doing.  How difficult it can be sometimes to live according to that simple guideline “focus on the positive.” 

In actuality I am a dreamer, I dream of what might be.  I have ideals, important ones I think, which could change the quality of life – my life as well as others.  What I have realized over the years is that these ideals, though admirable, can become tyrants.  Suddenly an ideal, once lofty, humane or good turns into a slave driving egotistical boss who wants to point out everything that is wrong.  Take for example the ideal of being diplomatic and communicating effectively.  Think of it – a world where people actually take the time to listen when spoken to, and you can speak your truth without fear of pain or punishment.  That’s all find and good until someone comes along and pulls the rug out from under you and feels justified in doing so, then all your diplomacy and perfected listening and speaking skills go out the window.  Suddenly you find yourself blaming, judging and cursing this person and then you become bitter, vengeful and backbiting.  All ideals of open, respectful diplomatic communication are now gone. 

Perfect pictures of romantic partners are even more of a death trap.  I heard of a Buddhist monk who suggested that many relationship problems are due to the unused ability to look upon the object of affection with eyes that can see beauty where beauty lies.  For older relationships, it is the inability to use the eyes that caught their beauty in the first place. Some never even get past the first glance for their perfect pictures.

I once read somewhere that trying to get things absolutely right is a dangerous thing.  Now I know how true that it.  I challenge anyone to notice throughout the day the opportunities to accept rather than judge, to be neutral rather than having expectations, to see how often they can refrain from using their own version of rose colored glasses. It is a simple task, but not an easy one.  Still, happiness, that oft-times elusive ideal, seems somehow connected to the ability to do this. 

I asked my friend about the fact that if we didn’t have ideals – or perfect pictures – what would be the sense in living?  “We all need something to strive for!” I exclaimed in an effort to defend my perfect pictures.  And let’s face it, we all have our particular perfect pictures.  “Make sure your perfect pictures are not just someone’s idea of right,” she wisely replied.  “Remember, perfect pictures are part of the human experience to be sure, but they don’t have to be measuring sticks.  The joy you experience in life is relative to the ability to accept it for what it is, while following your own happiness.”    I think I will take that piece of advice.  Maybe I will find a little slice of that pie in the sky called happiness, here on earth.  

Marcy Robertson is the Director of The Creative Living Center which is dedicated to helping people chose creative and compassionate responses to life that allows for more happiness.  The Center offers classes and events that empower students to make changes in their personal lives that lead to better choices, such as Intuitive And Meditative Living, The Path You Take Is the Path You Make, Career/Life Transformation, Manifesting with Theta Brainwaves and various healing modalities, to name a few.  As an Entrepreneur with much experience with start ups, and a former Career Center Director and Counselor Marcy has extensive experience which she has applied to her own dream – The Creative Living Center.  Please visit her online at www.TheCreativeLivingCenter.com  or info@TheCreativeLivingCenter.com  You can also reach her at 303-477-2831