Five Steps to Creating the Perfect Life Partner

   by Nicole Heckers, MA
    Life & Career Strategist

We’ve all had our share of headaches as we’ve strived to find a perfect match in a significant other or a spouse.  Whether we’ve gotten a taste of the bar scene, met potential romantic interests through friends or have even tried to find quality people in a venue such as a church, many of us out there still feel bereft, lonely and simply tired of looking.  We have a magical belief that “When it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.”  But another part of us screams  “So what is taking so long?”!

Besides getting out there and meeting new faces, there is an alternative proactive approach to meeting your perfect partner.  This approach is more contemplative and internally focused — a reprieve for those of you who are introverts and don’t draw energy from large crowds.  Have you ever tried to vision, and, through visioning, creating the perfect partner?  Most of you have crafted a list of desired traits you would like to see possessed by the person you are meant to be with.  This is a good starting place, but the techniques we’re addressing today extend much further.

We are creative beings.  We are creating constantly, although most of the time we are unaware of our strength.  What about your last promotion?  Sure it was due to your demonstration of competence on the job, but most likely, it was because you wanted it, visioned it, fought for it and ultimately created it.  Maybe you created a new car.  I have a friend who believes she created her car, but to create it, she unintentionally was involved in a minor car accident.  In the end, it ended up being more cost effective for her to take the insurance money and make a down payment on a new vehicle.  How’s that for a demonstration of bringing one’s intentions into reality?

When things we desire in life happen to us, we believe that luck was merely in our corner, or maybe the numbers game we were playing finally paid off as we bided our time.  But how often do we believe that we strongly influenced the outcome we were striving for?

Let’s put concepts of fate, determinism and luck aside, and begin to believe that we are the ones who create and have a strong hand in bringing into existence positive outcomes.  Here are some practical tips to create your perfect partner.

Step One, ask yourself what are general characteristics or qualities that trigger you.  For instance on your “Required” list, it may be paramount to end up with someone who is caretaking, kind, and supports your goals.  Once you have those things which are essential, it’s time to work on the “Would be nice” list.  This list would contain items such as “fantastic cook,” “great dancer” or “gives comforting massages.”  Here you will begin to vision and put into words the type of partner you really want. 

Step Two, ask yourself how the two of you will spend time together.  Can you imagine the two of you enjoying recreational activities together?  If you’re not a fan of the outdoors, do you see the two of you having a quiet weekend relaxing, reading, talking or being quiet in one another’s presence?  What projects can you see yourselves working on together, such as cleaning the garage, or cooking dinner once a month for your friends.

Step Three, ask yourself what is the essence of this person.  You must first figure out what is in your heart and your personal value/belief system. Once you have decided this, determine what your partner’s general take on life would look like.  What is his philosophy on life?  What is she attracted to professionally or otherwise?  Does your love interest have compassion for animals or for the environment?  Would either of you need to live near family members?  What life goals would your partner have?  How would your lives intersect in a complimentary fashion?

One caveat about absolutes and demanding highly specific qualities.  Don’t limit yourself too much.  For instance, a man visioning a woman, under the age of 30, from the Midwest, who is no heavier than 130 pounds, with either brown or blonde hair is not engaging in a useful exercise.  This strategy truly limits the ability of a soulmate to enter your life, by leaving little room for the person who is your best match.  People are complex, mostly unpredictable and don’t fit into boxes.  You don’t want to be pigeonholed and categorized, so why should you pigeonhole your partner?  Avoid being too specific, shallow, and again, concentrate on the essence of what you desire.

Step Four, start visioning now!  Remember, we think, vision and speak our intention.  This is the way people create.  Spend 5-10 minutes daily imagining the essence of your once perfect love match.  When you are sitting in traffic, start to vision.  When you start to feel sad or depressed, again, start visioning.  The only tools you need involves your willingness to be a change agent, and your belief (faith) that you will make and bring about change to your present circumstances.  If you are ready to accept this responsibility, then “miracles” can occur.

Step Five, begin to speak of your beloved to the loving people who will support you and encourage you to find a loving relationship.  Tell a couple of supportive friends about his/her personal qualities and what activities you envision doing together.  Perhaps you’ve never told anyone you’re a fan of line dancing, but you see yourself and Mr. or Ms. Right doing the two-step.  Your friend might never have guessed your secret passion and now suddenly has someone with the same interest to introduce you to.  Because you’ve painted a story with words, your friend can more accurately create and vision with you.  Also share with others who have your best interest at heart some images which convey your message, so that they too can begin to see you with your soulmate. 

By speaking your desire, you are cementing your intention not only in your mind, but in the minds of many.  Use the creative energies of your friends and engage them in your search.  Speak of your goals.  For example, “Within the next six months I will be in a loving relationship.”

Have fun with creating your perfect partner.  Plan to create, set your goals, and make it a priority to visualize your partner’s essence.  Through your proactive approach, be prepared for the previously unimaginable to occur.

Finally, enjoy all of life’s offerings — with your love match of course!

Nicole Heckers, MA, is a life, career and relationships coach in Cherry Creek, Colorado.  Nicole’s book on achieving one’s dreams is expected to be available in the summer of 2007.  She may be reached at 303.480.5484 or at nheckers@aol.com.

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