Your Relational Seasons
by Jeannine Lee, certified Life, Relationship and Grief Recovery Coach

Seasons. All of life – from plants, to animals, to the earth itself, to our own personal growth – have their seasons. It may be different where you live, but here in Colorado we basically have two: winter and summer. What we call spring and fall are but a tug o war between those two, sometimes even within the same day. Life is like that.

As we begin the dance of the seasons for 2008, it’s a great time to ponder, and honor, the growth seasons we find ourselves in.

Winter is a time of reflection and rejuvenation. Maybe it’s the dormant nature of winter that we resist. It’s a quiet time of deepening roots, gathering strength and stamina for the growing season ahead. A lot is happening – it’s just underground where we can’t see it without close inspection. For the steward it’s a time to clear the land of rocks, stumps, and old roots – making it suitable for the fruiting season ahead.

The seasons of relationship readiness

Relationally speaking, it is your skill level that determines your relational season. A friend tells me she is fasting from men right now. She’s put a hold on dating and is instead working on herself. If you’re in any of life’s many transitions - divorced, career, health crisis – you may also be in a winter season relationally. Winter is a time of reflection and rejuvenation. If it’s been cold in your relational world it might be time to grab a steamy cup of tea, a good book from which you’ll learn some new relationship skills, and hang with friends who will love you just as you are. It’s important to do the internal work so you’ll have stamina for the demands of future seasons. Winter lasts as long as it lasts. No need to rush through it.

After you’ve done your winter’s work of reflection and rejuvenation - taking in new ideas and learning new skills, it comes time to push gently threw the resistance into the field of relationship. This is a tender time. The dance between the cold and dormant (I’m really bad at this. I just want to stay home with the blanket over my head.) and the heat of summer will be very real. It’s important to honor the fluctuation of feelings during this season. Pushing forward because you think you ‘should’ may leave you with frostbite and having to start over. Better to protect those tender feelings when the cold winds blow. Such is the nature of spring.

Full on summer is a time to be out, be fully you, unencumbered by the weight of having to do anything right. It’s a time to show up and be seen. No hiding, no faking, no pretense, no wishing you were something better or different. Take in the sights and sounds. Remember gratitude. This is where you get to blossom! Getting fully grounded in who you are builds strength for relationship. If another cute little cherry tomato happens to come along, you’ll be able to recognize it!

Harvest – The Point of it All

Tending to the details of winter, spring and summer bring us to harvest – the point of it all. You’ve prepared the ground, honored your own seasons, probably weathered a few storms along the way. You’ve become a mature “stalk”. You’re ready to reap the rewards of a bountiful harvest of love, tenderness, compassion, honesty, and vulnerability, warmth - a veritable storehouse of goodies to carry you through the lean times.

It’s ok to hope – to trust that harvest comes. Your part is doing the work. Become the kind of person you want to attract and just like bees to blossom, attract you will. Relationship success isn’t a mystery. There are very specific principles to relationship success. Just like baking a cake, certain ingredients have to be present. Tend to those principles and you get a cake! It works the same for relationship building.

Just for fun you might want to determine the season you’re in by taking our Relationship Readiness Quiz.

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Jeannine Lee is a certified Life, Relationship and Grief Recovery Coach.  She works with singles, couples and the divorcing to create a future worth having.  She also facilitates the Fisher Rebuilding divorce recovery, and other personal growth seminars.  Contact her at 303-499-1987 or by email via her website:  www.FisherDivorceRecovery.com.